Falling in love with my Ex's Alpha Chapter 213: Book 2 - Chapter 46

***The Traveler***

That strange feeling that I had been feeling in my chest since I woke up and couldn’t understand what it was, now I know the reason.

They are dead.

I can not believe this. I could feel their loss even before Alexa. I wonder if, because we were so far away from them, we had no way of knowing that they died.

Goddess, I never want to feel this pain again.

“Lexi, wait!” I yell for her to stop, but my mate continues running desperately. I know she is going to.

She is going to the sacred trees, her favorite place.

I let her run ahead while I pause for a moment, feeling shaken by everything, before continuing to walk.

Goddess, why did they have to die?

It seems like everything has already been written. Everyone who had contact with me ended up dying. Maybe that’s why they couldn’t recognize me in the future — they are dead. I must hide! I can’t let Alexa’s parents and the others who survived see me. I don’t want the same fate for them!

Moon Goddess, nothing makes sense!

Did I do something wrong? Was it my fault that all those people died?

I wipe the tears from my face and increase the speed of my steps to get to where my girl is. She needs me now, I need to put myself together.

It’s so difficult. It hurts so much... I can sense in my soul the weight of all the lives that were lost.

I run to Alexa when I finally see her. She is sitting on the ground, leaning her back against the sacred wishing tree.

“Hey, Princess, come here,” I say, placing her on my lap after I sit on the ground.

She hugs me tight, burying her face in my chest. “It’s my fault they died, Prince,” she whispers.

“What? No, it’s not. You did not kill them. It’s not your fault. They were killed by the Bloodmoon pack!”

I feel my chest getting wet, and I know she is crying. My heart hurts to see her like this. “My fault. I should have gone with them. If I had been there, I could have surrendered and protected them all!” she says, her voice sounding odd. Strangled.

“Princess, Princess, no.” I rock her back and forth. “You are pregnant! If you had gone, you could have been killed along with our pup. It’s not your fault, baby.”

“Yes, it’s! First, I ruined my pack members’ lives. Now I killed them. You heard Nige, they were not hunting them, they were hunting *me*!” she sobs.

“Baby, you can’t think our pack members resented you because of that. They love you—”

“How can they not?” she wails. “They lost everything because of me. Who wants to live in a stupid cave with barely any comfort? It wasn’t fair to them! And now they haven’t just lost a place to live, but their lives! Their lives!” she cries, pressing her face tightly against my chest.

Then she looks up at me, her beautiful eyes are already swollen. “And what if they come here to attack again? When will they stop? No one is safe by my side! I should run away! You should stay away from me!”

“That’s not happening, Princess,” I say firmly.

“You don’t fucking understand. This can’t go on. No one is safe by my side. You should stay away from me, Nox! I can’t keep up my fucking shields around you, you’re sneaking through them. Soon, I won’t be able to let go.”

“Good. That will put us on an even par because you’re part of me. And I’m not letting you go. I will protect you, our baby, and our pack!”

“No. No. You’ll end up dying by my side, too. I couldn’t live with that guilt, Nox!” She shakes with fear as she cries.

“I’m ruined without you. Don’t you get that? You are it for me. You are mine. Try to push me away all you want. I. Am. Going. Nowhere.” *At least not now*, I think sadly.

“I don’t want you to die too,” tears run down her beautiful face. My girl is always so brave that I can’t help but feel like I have two hundred pounds on my shoulders as I see her in such a hopeless state.

“Alexa, you haven’t killed anyone! It wasn’t your fault. And when things return to normal, you can bet you’re sitting down with all remaining members so they can tell you the same thing. And if you’re still not getting it, I’ll remind you every single day that it wasn’t your fault. But through all of that, I’m going to be right by your side.”

She shakes her head.

“You don’t understand... they are not the first ones to die because of me... I killed my Protector!” she cries, looking away.

“Baby, stop crying. It’s not healthy for you or our little one,” I say, drying her tears. She takes a deep breath. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

I was so sad when I found out that she had already met her Protector and that her Protector had died. My girl doesn’t like to talk about this, and I understand why. I grew up seeing Uncle Chad always by my mother’s side, protecting her in any situation, from small things like ensuring she drank the proper amount of water daily to growling at anyone who gave my Mom a funny look.

I know for sure that Mom would be devastated if Uncle Chad died.

After taking a deep breath, my brave girl starts to tell me, “My Protector was called Sandy.” Suddenly, she opens a smile, looking at nothing specific, and, at the same time, she seems to see her Protector right next to her. “She was so sweet, so girlie,” she gives a little laugh. “She was older than me. Sandy grew up in my pack and has always taken care of me since I was a child. Everyone in our pack was very surprised when we found out that I had a red wolf, but no one, including me, was surprised that Sandy was my Protector,” she says firmly with a slight smile on her face.

“I can’t explain to you what it’s like to have a protector. It’s so... I don’t know, but the feeling is as if we have a different bond than our mate bond. It is not so strong, but it’s so close!” she tries to explain, and I remain silent. I know what it’s like, but I can’t tell her.

“Sandy seemed to know me like no one else. She always had my back,” suddenly, her smile disappeared. “My parents always liked to travel, and on one of these trips, they went to a place where there was a beautiful waterfall. But they forbade me to go there because it was very dangerous because of the rogues. The waterfall was not part of the pack we were in... I begged Sandy to go with me there. Sandy didn’t want to, but I insisted so much that she ended up giving in,” Alexa places her hands on her forehead. “If I had known...”

“You had no way of knowing,” I reassure her.

She closes her eyes and then opens them with a sigh and continues, “We went to this fucking waterfall. Fuck! I regret going so much... Nige would come with us but thank Goddess, at the last minute, he decided to stay in the pack,” she sighs in relief and goes on. “As soon as we arrived at the waterfall, I jumped into the water happily, and Sandy stood on the waterfall’s edge, watching for any danger. I insisted that she jump into the water with me, but she didn’t want to let her guard down. Fuck! I was so stupid,” She clenches her fists.

I want to comfort her, but I sense that she needs to share it first.

“Before I put on my clothes, several rogues attacked us. Sandy fought bravely to save me. She insisted that I run away and leave her behind, but I couldn’t. I would never leave her behind,” she says, looking at where Sandy is buried on our side.

“I shifted, and in the end, even though Sandy killed almost everyone and I killed the others, a rogue ended up ripping her head off so... so... so I couldn’t heal her,” she sobs with tears. “I survived, but she didn’t.”

I hug her tight, speaking words of comfort. Today isn’t very sunny, and the cold is biting. Even though it’s the start of fall, it feels like the sky is mourning alongside us.

Now I understand why she was so enraged that day the rogue attacked me, afraid that I would hurt myself in a way that she couldn’t heal me. My Poor baby.

She must have been so scared!

“After Sandy died, it feels like a part of me died with her...” she whines, “I asked to bury her here, and I didn’t have the courage to come to this place until then. Some rogues must have survived because it was from that day on that word spread that there was a red wolf alive,” I dry her tears. “She didn’t want to go there but I threw a tantrum! If I hadn’t insisted that we go, then we would never have been attacked. Sandy wouldn’t have died!”

“You were just a child. You didn’t know. No one knew.”

“I killed her. I ruined my pack members’ lives, and I forced them to move several times and hide. And now they are also dead. I should protect them and not the other way around. Do you understand now that everything is my fault? Sandy died because of me! You should stay away from me,” she snarls.

As soon as I see that she has finished telling me what she wants, I start talking, I stay quiet just to not interrupt her, which is very difficult for me.

I hold her biceps and speak, looking into my girl’s angry and sad eyes. “I am not joking around here, Alexa,” I roar. She blinks at me, shocked. “You make me whole. You think I’d leave you?”

“Didn’t you know why I am asking this for you? I am trying to protect you! But you aren’t letting me. You are infuriating!” she yells back, starting to get mad.

That’s good.

I would rather have her angry than hopeless.

“Stop blaming yourself because it wasn’t your fault! Do you understand me? It wasn’t your fault that your Protector died!” I glare down at her, and then I talk to her gently, “Princess, I know you don’t want me to leave you alone. You’re pregnant. You’re going to have our precious baby. You know I complete you, too.”

She starts crying again, “I hate you,” she hugs me, resting her head on my shoulder, “why don’t you just fight back? Why do you have to be all so sweet and caring? It’s so fucking infuriating! It is worse than your roar!”

Now that I know how Sandy died and that my girl blames herself for that and so many other things — even though she’d been a kid and it hadn’t been her fault — I know that from now on, I’d have to be very careful not to put myself in danger. I don’t want to give her any more triggers.

“I can’t believe Dana died, Prince... It hurts so much!” she sobs, and tears run down my cheeks, too. Even though I knew she was going to die, I didn’t expect her to go so soon.

I thought we would have more time.

If I had known, I would have hugged her tighter. I didn’t realize that hug was the last one I would give her.

I run my hand up and down her back, crooning to her softly. Singing an old song that my Mom used to sing to me because there are no words that will ease the grief we feel for Dana.