Falling in love with my Ex's Alpha Chapter 44

***Katherine***

I think the second-best day of my life was when Kaiden told the pack that I was his mate. I cannot put into words how honored I was by everyone's devotion. Their joy in knowing that I would be their Luna gave me the strength to become a better person and renewed my energy to use my gift as a Healer with all of them.

But part of me was sad to deceive them because I know I'm not exactly their Luna. It's all just a big facade.

I was surprised that Kaiden didn't say I'm his chosen mate, but one more lie here, one more lie there isn't going to make a change the big lie of the facade. Also, for him, it doesn't even care because we're in a contract, for goddess' sake.

After the feeling I had with everyone's support, I thought about distancing myself from Chad. I feel like I'm playing with his feelings by not reciprocating him in the same way.

I tried to avoid kissing him, I tried to avoid the advances he was making, but I realized that I only made him sadder.

What's the benefit of denying him something he wants? When I refused something, he looked at me with sad eyes that broke my heart. I don't want to see him suffer. Also, it's easy to accept all his caresses, everything with him is so much easier...

That's why I committed to staying in this relationship with him, I need to forget my doubts. I need to give myself to Chad, so maybe I can forget about Kaiden. Perhaps that's what's missing for me to start looking at Chad with different eyes.

This isn't even a very difficult task. His brown hair makes him look so sexy, it matches his brown eyes perfectly. He's so tall and athletic that I feel small in his embrace.

Without overthinking, I decided to act. As soon as I saw that he was sitting on the sofa, I ran to him, and I sat on his lap and kissed him.

At first, he was surprised, it took him a while to react, but it didn't take long for him to start running his hand across my body and kiss me back.

I ran my hand through his hair, and then I could feel something hard underneath me.

Oh my God. Chad is aroused.

It's not time to panic. Stop thinking, stop thinking!

I teased him with a little nip on his bottom lip, and he growled in pleasure.

But out of nowhere, he interrupted our kiss abruptly, grabbed my waist, lifted me up without any physical effort, and placed me on the other side of the sofa.

I don't know what happened. Suddenly, he was enjoying it, and abruptly, he pushed me away from him. Could it be that I did something wrong? I don't have a lot of experience in that, ahem, department... but I'm sure he was enjoying it.

Well, I could *feel* that he was enjoying it.

I was sitting on irrefutable evidence.

I was silent, looking at him with confusion, but I was embarrassed to ask if I did something wrong for him to step away.

I looked away from his eyes and looked at the floor because right there was my lame dignity.

He was silent, but in a firm voice, he asked, "Katie, what's gotten into you?"

Okay, now my dignity isn't on the floor.

It's on Earth's magma.

I blushed as soon as the words reached my ears as if he were shaking me.

"Sorry, I..." I don't know what to say. I don't even know why I'm apologizing. I feel awful.

The feeling I'm feeling is that I am despised from all sides. I'm despised by Kaiden for being human, and I'm despised by Chad to the point where he doesn't like my initiative.

"No need to apologize, I was just surprised. You're not like that," he said, I looked into his eyes, and I could see confusion in them, but I also saw arousal and lust.

He came to me and knelt in front of me, put both arms around me, resting on the sofa, caging me. Then he kissed me. I didn't understand if he was doing it because he felt pressured by me or because he wanted to. However, I wanted so badly to kiss him that I didn't care anymore about his reasons.

"Katie, I want more than just kisses," he whispered breathlessly as he placed kisses on my face, starting on my cheeks, then my forehead, and then at the tip of my nose, and he continued, "I want so much more than fucking kisses... We need to take it easy. Let's wait for the contract to end. We'll have our whole lives ahead of us as soon as I mark you. Nothing will stop us from being together. I promise!"

I didn't know what to say to him, my eyes started to fill with tears, so I just nodded in agreement. For the first time, I felt loved, and I want to hold on to that feeling with my both hands because it's so much better than feeling unwanted. For the first time, I felt like I wanted to be marked by Chad.

Even though something tells me in the back of my mind that it's wrong, I don't want to hear that voice anymore.

At this moment, I can only visualize our future together, and in it, I am sure we will be happy.

I hugged him tight, and he hugged me back.

I felt that he was hiding something from me, it's been a while since I felt that he was in agony about something, but I don't know what it was. Whenever I ask him, he deviates from the subject and says he's tired.

I know he's lying, but I don't want to bother him. I want to respect his space, and when he's ready for me to know, I know he's going to tell me. I'm afraid to pressure him, and he gives up on me.

I just hope whatever he's hiding doesn't change our relationship.