Falling in love with my Ex's Alpha Chapter 30

After getting home from seeing Becca, I took a shower and grabbed a book to study but gave up because I couldn't concentrate.

In the soft moonlight, I lay nestled in my bed. My eyes fixed on the view outside the window. My tousled hair cascaded over the pillow as I pondered the events of the previous day. A mixture of guilt, confusion, and desire swirled within me, creating a tumultuous storm of emotions.

My gaze wandered to the world beyond the window glass, but my thoughts remained anchored in the memory of the illicit kiss. I knew it was wrong, a betrayal of the trust my boyfriend had placed in me. Yet, I couldn't deny the electric current that had passed between me and Kaiden, igniting a spark that momentarily overpowered my rationality.

As the wind enters through the window, I traced the contours of my lips with my fingers, reliving the sensation of our forbidden touch. A pang of guilt pierced my heart, knowing I had crossed a line that should have never been approached. In addition to having a boyfriend, I signed a contract in which it is clear that there can be no physical contact, for Goddess's sake!

My mind became a battlefield, torn between loyalty and the tempting allure of Kaiden's lips. Images from the day before danced vividly in my mind, the stolen glances... Did he have to say that looking at me was better than looking at the landscape? No one was watching us, he didn't need to say those sweet things. Or was someone watching, and he was faking it? Maybe I got it all wrong? My cheeks got hot just thinking about it. My heart ached as I realized the repercussions of my stupid action.

I yearned for a way to undo the past, to return to the way that existed before that impulsive moment. How am I going to tell Chad now?

The weight of my actions settled upon me like a heavy blanket, suffocating me in its grasp.

Chad is a person who has shown me love, trust, and devotion. And what did I give him in return? Nothing but betrayal.

With a resolute breath, I gathered my strength and made a silent vow to rectify the situation, make amends, and, above all, learn from my transgressions.

I heard the door opening, meaning Jake had come home. I need to tell him what happened. I got up from the bed, went to the living room, sat nervously on the sofa, and hugged my knees as I waited for him to sit beside me.

My heart is pounding in my chest. I knew that I couldn't keep the secret any longer for him. He sat next to me with a confused look.

Taking a deep breath, I gathered the courage to speak, My voice quivering slightly.

"What happened, KitKatie? Why are you so blue?" Jake said with a beer in hand, sitting across from me.

"I need to tell you something, I know you're going to judge me," I said with my face still hidden in my knees.

"What happened?" he said firmly.

"Well, yesterday, something happened, something I never intended to happen. I..." I tried to say, I took a deep breath and continued, "Yesterday when I was with Kaiden in the park—" he cut me off.

"Did he do something to you?" he asked worriedly.

"No... Well, I did something to him... I... I kissed him," I said, looking at him.

He took a while to assimilate what I was saying, but then he managed to understand.

"Wait, what? Are you serious? How could you do that?" his expression morphed from curiosity to shock. And then to anger.

"I know, I know! It was a moment of weakness, a lapse in judgment. I can't even explain it. I shouldn't have done it. I feel terrible about it." I cried.

"Katie, I feel like you're not telling me everything," he said thoughtfully.

"I don't know what came over me, Jake, I felt an attraction to Kaiden that I can't explain to you, I just can't get him out of my head, I know I shouldn't even think about it because Kaiden is Kaiden, besides that he and I were in this contract. I broke the contract literally on the first day! I feel horrible for feeling this when I am close to him. And then there's Chad..." I started to cry even harder, and he hugged me.

"Calm down, first, calm down," he said as he ran his hand up and down my back.

"He's going to hate me, I screwed up," I said, crying even harder.

"But you need to tell him as soon as possible. That's if he doesn't already know," Jake said. We were silent for a moment, and then he continued talking, "Katie... If you had a wolf, I would say it could be mate bond, since the first time you saw him, you felt like this... But it's not possible because you are wolfless. Are you sure you can continue until the end of the contract?" Jake asked worriedly.

"I need to. I'm going to block this feeling. He doesn't feel anything for me, and he might as well right now hate me for what I did. I need to focus on Chad. Tomorrow! Yeah, tomorrow, I'll tell him," I stated.

We chatted for a while longer, him telling me about the fantastic ride he had with Jason; at least I could think of something else. I'm happy for Jake and also curious about how long it will take him to mark Jason. He is more accepting of their bond, so I think it will be soon.

🐺 🐺 🐺

My eyes are swollen from so much crying, yet another night that I can't sleep well. My dark circles are evident from my lack of sleep. As soon as I woke up, I sent a message to Chad inviting him to come to my house, I need to tell him.

Today, Jake made an exception for me and said that we would work out in the evening so I could talk to Chad in the morning.

As soon as I heard the doorbell, I went straight to answer the door, I already knew who it was. When I opened the door, Chad had a bag in one hand and two coffees in the other. He cracked a smile when he saw me.

"I got breakfast," he said, smiling. "What happened? Why do you look like that? Did something happen? Are you sick?" He asked worriedly as he entered my house.

I felt like crap for his concern, I don't deserve this generosity.

"We need to talk…" I said and sat in the chair as he set the things he had brought on the table, and then he sat silently beside me.

"Chad, there's no easy way to say this, but I'm going to say it… I spent the whole night thinking about how to tell you, but there's no right way…" I started confessing.

"Katie, what happened?" he asked firmly.

"I... I kissed Kaiden when I met him," I said at once with my eyes closed and pressing my hand on the chair as if the chair was going to move. He was silent for a moment.

"I Know... I already figured this could happen. You guys are in a contract, you need to pretend something is going on between you two," he said, clenching his jaw, and I widened my eyes.

"What?" It took me a while to understand what he said. Did he think I faked the kiss?

Oh, my Goddess! How am I going to tell him it's not fake? How can I say that I took the initiative and worse... How can I say that I liked what I did?

I remained silent, not knowing what to say.

"It's okay, beautiful, I'm not upset with you. I'm upset about the situation. I didn't want you to do this, but I understand the reasons why you did it," he said. Well, you understood the *wrong* reasons...

"Chad, it wasn't just that... I was the one who took the initiative, I kissed him on impulse. It wasn't pretending. I'm sorry," I confessed softly, he was silent, and I continued, "I understand that now you want to break up with me. What I did is unforgivable. I shouldn't have done that to you. I'm sorry," I vented, I'm really sorry for having done this to him.

"Why would I break up with you? I love you!" He said without even breathing, it took me a while to assimilate what he said.

"What? What do you mean? But I cheated on you," I repeated, and he squinted his eyes tightly and sighed before speaking.

"Can you stop saying that you cheated on me? I'm not going to break up with you because of a kiss you gave Kaiden, you may have been confused, the situation you're in leaves room for that. I don't want to break up with you. However, I hope you don't do that anymore. At least not wanting to." He raised an accusing eyebrow.

I was silent, not knowing what to say.

"So we're still secretly dating?" I cracked a half smile.

"Yes, come here," he said and hugged me, then started opening the bags. "Let's have breakfast and forget about all this, okay?" He asked.

"Okay," with a heavy heart was all I managed to say as I took a sip of the coffee he brought over.

As the lukewarm coffee settled down my throat, I could only think that I couldn't decide what I was feeling.

I don't know if I'm upset or happy for Chad's reaction, I don't know if I'm happy or sad for continuing to date Chad.