Falling in love with my Ex's Alpha Chapter 33

That was bullshit.

I shouldn't be feeling this way. All the way home, I was torturing myself with what Kaiden said. Jason tried to calm me down, but it was all in vain.

I shouldn't care like that, I shouldn't be in so much pain, but it feels like there's a voice in my head that won't stop crying hearing what he said.

I got out of the car in a zombie way that I didn't even see what I was doing when I realized I was already sitting at the kitchen table with my face resting in my hands. Jason was at my side, but he got up, and then I understood why, Jake had come home. Jake came to me running, worried.

"What happened, Katie?" He asked me, and I remained silent, not knowing what I was going to say.

"What happened, Jay?" he asked worriedly his mate, "Jason?"

"I think you should talk to her, I need to go back to the packhouse... If you need anything, let me know, and I'll come right away," Jason answered.

I didn't see the time he left, he and Jake talked away from me, and then Jason left. Jake walked over to me and sat next to me.

What do I say to him?

How am I supposed to tell him that I'm heartbroken for no reason? Am I grieving for someone who has no relationship with me? That I should have already blocked out any feelings for him, but I couldn't?

I hate this stubborn feeling I have for him!

This all seems so embarrassing, I feel ashamed for feeling this way, and even worse, I feel like an idiot for having feelings for someone like him who despises me with such hatred.

"Jay told me what happened at the packhouse," Jake put a hand on my shoulder.

"I feel so stupid... Why did I have to be born wolfless?" I cried and hugged him.

Maybe if I hadn't been born that way, I would have his attention, I wouldn't have disdain.

"Katie, you're not stupid. Don't talk like that," he said, hugging me tighter.

"I never want to see him again, I canceled the contract. Let him get someone else to side with him," I yelled, and Jake looked away. But just the thought of someone else with him makes me ache deeper in my heart.

Did he think I was childish to break the contract? Was I petty?

I already knew he was cruel, I signed the contract knowing how he was, so why the surprise now? What was I waiting for exactly? The more I think about it, the more I feel pathetic. So, so *pathetic*.

"Why do you look like that?" I asked him why he wasn't looking me in the eyes, and I saw that something was wrong.

"Katie... You'll have to meet him because you need to go to the ceremony. Your presence and mine are mandatory," he said, and I squeezed my hand even tighter angrily.

I just wanted to get away from him. I want to hide.

"Why is it mandatory?" I demanded.

"Chad didn't know how to get us both into the ceremony because you weren't marked by Kaiden, so he planned a way for us to go without provoking suspicion. He put me as a representative of my Elite Training Class and you as a representative from your Hospital Training Class. Our superiors will be there too, and it was them that made the decision. Dr. Smith referred you even before Chad proposed to him, which made everything much easier. It's very difficult to get on the ceremony list, so he had to do all that." He took a deep breath and continued, "So there's no way we can just skip this event. It would be disrespectful to the Hospital and Elite Training, you know?" Jake finished.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" I said, feeling miserable.

"Because you were already going with Alpha to the ceremony anyway, so the way you got in wouldn't matter much. And also, I forgot to tell you, sorry," he said with apologetic eyes.

All I want most is the distance from Kaiden, and now I have to go to this stupid ceremony and see him? How could the situation be any worse?

I want to see what he will do to be able to participate in the tournament, now that I know his reputation precedes him, I know he will do anything to get someone to be his fake mate.

"Do you think I was wrong to cancel the contract?" I asked him, Jake is the most rational person I know, and I want to know what he thinks. He took a while to answer. He seemed to think about what he was going to say, looked away a few times, and then he spoke.

"I'll support you with what you've decided about the contract, but we still need to go to the ceremony." He replied.

"I know…" I said softly, sighing.

I don't think he was very happy that I did that, but his support is what matters to me. Knowing that he will be by my side gives me the strength to face this ceremony.

I looked out the window and saw that the storm outside had calmed down. I took a deep breath to try to assimilate everything that happened. When my thoughts were clearer, I managed to eat something and went to my room to sleep. I couldn't sleep right away because I lost sleep when I remembered Chad. Oh, Chad...

What am I going to do with you? I've been a bad girlfriend.

I don't deserve him. Should I break up with him? But I like Chad so much, and being with him seems like the most logical thing to do.

I wiped away one last tear that ran down my cheek. It's senseless to get attached to this feeling for Kaiden that shouldn't even exist in the first place.